Here are some questions from Dave. He loves the president. Anyway, he sent me three questions that I'm not sure I can even answer, but I suppose I'll try.

What is the difference between a terrible rash and falsifying air force records in order to portray yourself as a fighter pilot?

If anyone can answer this question, let me know. I will tell you about this rash I have on my chest ever since I shaved my chest, due to my heart shit. I now know what it means to scratch an itch. Good Lord, I've never wanted to rip my skin off so bad in my life. Since I've never falsified air force records, I guess I'm halfway to answering this question.

If you could have one superpower, would you choose omnipotence because that would imply all superpowers you cheating bastard?

I suppose I would. That's a great idea. But if I had to pick something other than that, I think I'd go with the ability to assume other people's identities, like Mystique in X-Men. I guess the closest thing I can get to that is to go on that show, I Want a Famous Face. I'd like to see someone go on that show and ask to look like someone really ugly. "I'd like to look like Tom Petty, please."

If there were one kind of soda in the world, what would you do to ensure it wasn't Sierra Mist so you wouldn't have to see those monkey commercials?

I don't think I've seen those commercials. And I kind of like Sierra Mist. If there was some kind of plan in effect that would make it so there was only one soda, I wouldn't really know what to root for. Maybe root beer? That could be their slogan. Root for Root Beer!