I went out with my dad for dinner tonight. He told me a story I had heard a few times before, but I didn't stop him, because it's one of the best stories I've ever heard. So here goes.

My dad is a retired New Jersey state trooper. This story has to do with two of his former colleagues, one named Rasmussen and the other, Glass. One night, Rasmussen and Glass get called to a bus that has stopped on the side of the Garden State Parkway, due to an incredibly drunk passenger. They get there and the bus driver explains to them that this guy is belligerent and was groping a woman next to him on the bus and wouldn't stop. And, oh yes, he's blind.

So Officer Glass, who is the tough nosed cop gets on the bus and tells the blind man he is going to be arrested. The blind man says, "How do I know you're a cop? Let me feel your badge." So Glass lets the blind man feel his chest, while guarding his weapons. The blind man puts his hand on the badge, can feel the bullet proof vest and gets up to the tie. As soon as he appears to be done, he punches Glass right in the face.

So they tackle him and put him in handcuffs. Any doubts as to whether or not they are cops are now gone. Rasmussen says to Glass, "Well now we got him on assaulting a police officer." Glass says, "Are you kidding? No way are we charging him with that. You will not get me to fill out a report or end up in court to say I got punched by a blind man."

Fair enough, but they still had him for assaulting the woman. He is so drunk they decide to take him to the hospital. He is handcuffed to a bed and the nurse takes his blood. Rasmussen, who was apparently the prankster of the bunch comes up with an idea. If they aren't going to charge him with assaulting an officer, they should at least do something. So he walks into the room and puts on a stereotypical Indian accent. Think Apu. He says, "Hello, I am Dr. Sanjay and I am here for the operation. I see that the nurse has just given you the sedative, so this should not be long and you won't feel a thing."

The blind man asks, "What procedure? What are you talking about?"

"Please do not worry. You will be awake, but it will be virtually painless when we remove your leg."

Now, of course, he is flipping the fuck out. Rasmussen as the doctor says, "With the pain killer, this will only feel like a key going back and forth across the back of your leg." So he takes out his keys and starts rubbing it across the back of the guy's leg. The guy is going nuts and yelling his head off. The nurse looks in the room and Rasmussen just puts his finger to his lips, the universal sign for, It's OK. We're just fucking with this blind drunk guy a bit.

Because the guy also was a complete asshole when the nurse drew blood from him, she doesn't care what they are doing to him. Now Rasmussen says, "OK, looking at your chart, it looks as though I cut off the wrong leg. Not a big deal, I will just now cut off the correct one."

The blind man's father comes to pick him up a little bit later and is telling the cops that this is apparently turning into a weekly occurrence where he either has to pick him up from the hospital or jail. He goes in to talk to his son and comes back out and says, "He's drunker than normal. He's so drunk he thinks the doctors cut off his legs."

There's the story. My dad tells it very well. I think it's probably better in person, rather than blog form.

Anyway, I know that it may not be the most ethical thing, and yes, it is wrong to torture blind people, but come on. That shit is fucking funny.