So I was watching C-SPAN last night and I saw Bush's speech where he called for a Constitutional amendment to prevent gay marriage. Well, let me tell you, after I thought about it, I have totally changed my mind, based on this quote:

"Marriage cannot be severed from its cultural, religious and natural roots without weakening the good influence of society. Government, by recognizing and protecting marriage, serves the interests of all."

Ah, yes. The good influence of society, which would definitely go straight down the shitter if we let these homosinuals to get married. I would like to now take a moment to acknowledge those people who have partaken in the glorious celebration of matrimony between man and woman:

Here's to Lorena Bobbit, who after her husband apparently forced her to have sex with him, cut off his penis while he was sleeping.

To John Bobbit, for feeling the need to force his wife to have sex with him, then having the courage to pursue a career in pornography after his penis was re-attached.

To Brynn Hartman, for killing her husband, comedian Phil Hartman, while their children were in the next room, while she was fucked up on cocaine, alcohol and a prescription anti-depressant. The war on drugs would have gotten to her eventually! She took the easy way out! We certainly would have smoked her out of her hole.

To OJ Simpson, who was acquitted of killing his wife and her friend. Thanks for never showing a sliver of remorse about your dead wife and even joking about it on a talk show when you "stabbed" the host with a banana.

I don't want to focus on only the celebrities involved in this, so to the millions of men who beat their wives this year, kudos to you! No homos are going to have the same rights as you. You can rest assured that when a gay guy beats up his "partner", you are still the only one allowed to beat up your "spouse".

To all of these heroes in our society, thank you for defending it with your good influence and not allowing our precious moral fabric to be degraded.

Thank you. And may God bless the United Straights of America.