Instructions for being me:

Wake up. Hit snooze. Ten minutes later, wake up. Hit snooze. Ten more minutes later, wake up. Debate on whether or not there is enough time to hit one more snooze. Decide no. Wake up. Step on things. Turn on light. Grab towel. Walk to bathroom in the dark. Brush teeth. Turn on shower. Pray for hot water. Take shower. Dry off. Apply deodorant. Get dressed. Look at clock. Move quicker. One last check for everything. Walk out door. Lock door. Walk down stairs. Lock another door. Brace for cold. Walk hurriedly to subway. Hear train approaching. Run. Skip every other stair. Slide MetroCard. Go through turnstile. Run down more stairs. Jump through closing doors. Look around satisfied. Hold on to handrail. Apply headphones. Stare blankly. Get off train. Go upstairs to next train. Get pushed by people. Get on next train. Stare blankly, this time seated. Read back of someone else's newspaper. Get out of train. Walk to work. Look at clock, with hope that arrival time is three minutes early. Say Good Morning, but skip the "ood". Go make coffee. Turn on computer and begin work day. Look busy for 8 - 9 hours. Go home, just like morning, but in reverse. Set alarm clock. Wait for it to sound so you can hit snooze.

Repeat five days in a row. Weekends optional.