My friend Rick told me I should buy an ad during the Super Bowl to advertise my blog. I thought this was a great idea, but it turns out that stuff is expensive. So I have decided to instead organize a publicity stunt that will get me all over the news, which will undoubtedly make my blog more popular than ever. Since it seems that putting babies in danger is the way to go these days (dangling over a ledge, feeding a crocodile), I will get myself a baby and put it in harm's way. Here are some ideas for my new bouncing baby boy, with the emphasis on bouncing.

-- I will throw my baby out as the ceremonial first pitch at Game One of this year's World Series. The pitch will be in the dirt.

-- I will create a reality TV show where beautiful women will be tricked in to dating my baby, thinking he is a millionaire baby. The show will be called "Joe Baby."

-- I will send my baby on a research mission to Mars, armed with nothing more than a disposable camera.

-- I will hold a press conference on national television and eat my baby. Everyone will be horrified, until 24 hours later when I hold another press conference, where I crap my baby out, all in one piece.

-- I will take my baby to a rave every Saturday night, get it all messed up on ecstasy, then show a live webcast of my baby giggling and holding a glow stick for hours on end at www.MyBabyGigglingWhileHighOnEcstasy.com

-- I will bowl a 300 game with my baby. I know what you're thinking -- that I will use my baby in place of a bowling ball. Not true. He will be used as the 7 pin on every frame.


If anyone would like to give me their baby, please email me, or if you'd be interested in having my child, let me know. You will be entitled to a fraction of the potential profits.