Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, January 28, 2004

I would like to wish my sister Laurie, a happy birthday. Here is a quick timeline of Laurie's life:

Jan. 28, 1977 -- On a cold winter day in Red Bank, NJ, a brand new baby girl soon to be named Laurie, was born unto this world.

Summer, 1982 -- Laurie plays kickball for the first time in the backyard with the rest of the kids, and runs directly to third base after kicking the ball. She is made fun of. Moments later, without warning, she runs inside the house and does not return. Thus begins a long standing tradition of Laurie running away from a game of kickball without letting anyone know of her intentions.

Jan. 28, 1986 -- The Space Shuttle Challenger blows up on Laurie's birthday. It was a snow day and I was watching Scrabble, hosted by Chuck Woolery, when Tom Brokaw interrupted with a special report. I was upset that I missed the Scrabble Sprint.

Jan. 29, 1986 -- Scarred by the Space Shuttle tragedy happening on her birthday, a nine-year-old Laurie experiments with cocaine for the first time. She is soon given the nickname Laurie "8 Ball" Toole. On Parent-Teacher night, Laurie's teacher tells our mother that Laurie is "a little too attentive."

Feb. 27, 1986 -- Laurie has her first stint in rehab, where she converts to Islam. She travels to Afghanistan to study under the Taliban, which is amazing, considering they weren't even formed yet.

September 1986 -- The Mets win the World Series. Laurie doesn't care, because she is now so doped up on opium in Afghanistan.

January 28, 1994 -- Laurie returns home and celebrates her first sober birthday in 8 years. Our mother, because she feels like she missed out on Laurie's childhood, holds a party at Chuck E. Cheese. Laurie hallucinates and eats a skeeball.

January 28, 2004 -- Ten years later, Laurie, still hallucinating apparently, thinks it's a good idea to live in Branson, Missouri. I neglect to send her a gift and feel bad about it, even though I will send it soon. I feel that, perhaps writing a blog about her will slightly make up for it, even though none of this is true (except for the parts about the drugs and the Taliban).
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006