I had a dream last night that I was on "The Bachelor." I've never seen the show, so I think my view of it was a little off. I guess, technically, it was "The Bachelorette," because there was a girl who was the main lady. There were only five of us that were competing for her love, but the weird thing was that two of them were girls, which prompted me to ask the question, "Wait, is this chick bi?" Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. So I pressed on accepting the fact that I would be competing against girls, for the love of another girl. Hey, it's the 90's! I'm hip.

I remember being all nervous that she'd see my apartment, because it's such a mess, and she'd dump me right then and there. But the ABC network was kind enough to put us up in a hotel. That was another odd part, was that we weren't in a lavish house like they normally are on in reality shows, but we were in something equivalent to a Motel 6.

The girl who was The Bachelorette was really cool. I think she liked me. I was bummed because I woke up before we got to go on a date, just the two of us. We were out on a "date" with the other contestants and I heard one of the other girls say, "I definitely think she likes Mike." I was so psyched! But then I woke up. If only I slept another 13 hours, I would have found out if I'd be the winner. Oh well. There's always tonight.

I kind of want to be on a reality show now, because I had some fun on the Fake Bachelorette show I was on. Maybe I'll try out for Survivor. I probably wouldn't get that, however, because America doesn't want to see me with my shirt off. I'm not hunky enough to be on a Bachelor type show. Perhaps Average Joe. That's what I should aim for.