I did not see the State of the Union speech last night, but I'm sure the state of this union is strong. I think the president should try to appeal to younger voters that are fleeing to the democrats. He should have just came out and said, "My fellow Americans. The state of our union is off the hook. We got it goin' on. I'm not going to stand up here and bore you for an hour while your favorite TV shows get preempted, and force you to either read a book or watch QVC. So instead of me saying stuff like 'Medicare this' and 'Terrorism that,' I'm going to give y'all something that you'll actually enjoy. Ladies and gentlemen... Outkast!!!!"

At this point, Vice President Cheney and Speaker of the House, Dennis Hastert rip off their faces, which were actually just masks, revealing Andre 3000 and Big Boi. They start off with a rousing rendition of "Hey Ya!" They will play for an hour, then close with "Bombs Over Baghdad" while a video montage of the Shock and Awe campaign plays on a big screen.

"I command you to shake it like a Polaroid picture!"