I am considering adding thermal underwear to my every day wear. It is cold. I can now walk to New Jersey via the Hudson River, which is completely frozen.

The reason for the thermals is that pants just don't cut it. There is something about this cold that runs right up my legs and grabs on to my testicles. Old Man Winter is a fucking pervert.

My little cousin, Joey, used to say to me, "I'm gonna kick you in the testicans." That always cracked me up. The testicans. I always picture him saying that, even though he is now a lot older and somewhere in Iraq fighting the debatable fight. I imagine he will find Osama bin Laden and say to him, "You attacked my country. Now, I am going to kick you in the testicans."