Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Thursday, January 08, 2004

Here I am again with nothing to say. I have been told that I can't top the baby post, so I shouldn't try anymore. I'm done. Go out on top, is what the people are telling me to do. So this is it. My last blog.

I'm sure that's a lie. I will post more. I'm stumped right now. I have thought about leaving the blog behind recently. Not because I don't have anything more to say, but because blogging has sort of taken over my life.

What do you mean, Mike?

Glad you asked. I'll tell you. No matter where I am, walking down the street, walking into my apartment, sitting at work, everywhere, I think, "Can I blog about this?"

Most of the time, things are not blog-worthy. Therefore I don't write about my daily doings. I don't think people care about my personal life (relationship-wise), so I don't talk about it. Plus, if I say something bad about someone, I wouldn't want them to read it on here. That would be mean.

So I end up writing about things like the fact that I was just in the Hello Deli (with Rupert, of Late Show with David Letterman fame) and there was this crazy guy in there talking to people. He started talking to a pregnant lady and commented on her "swollen belly." He then concluded, since she was preggers, that she likes to have sex. He then proceeded to tell her that he'd be "the best she'd ever have." She ignores him long enough, basically laughing at him, he then leaves. Rupert tells us that this guy was the original trumpet player for Earth, Wind and Fire. This is true, because it was confirmed by Paul Shaffer.

But I really have nothing else to say on this, so it's a blog that's gone by the wayside. What annoys me is that there might have been something else going on that would have been good to blog about, but instead I was thinking about how I could turn the Earth, Wind and Fire guy into a good blog. As you can see, I have not figured it out.

It's cold outside. I am reminded of a Loudon Wainwright song called "You Don't Want to Know", which is about an incredibly cold winter, that begins, "It's colder than a witches tit." Later on in the song, there is a line that is one of my favorites of all time:

I took my dog for a walk and
he took a crap.
You won't smell it until April or May.

Why Loudon Wainwright isn't more famous than he is, remains a mystery to me. I think it is time for a Loudon revolution. Or perhaps his peak of popularity will be after he dies, just like John Ritter.

Another way the blog has taken over my life, is that the baby post came to me right before I fell asleep. I don't know what I was thinking of, but all of the sudden, an image popped into my head of me throwing a baby out as the first pitch in the World Series, and I sprung from my bed to write it down. I never write things down. But this, I knew I had to remember for the next day. Then I almost didn't post it because, like everything else I write, I usually hate it the next day. I often read this blog and think, "Oh God, this is terrible. I'm not amusing at all. If I came across this site, I would hate it." Yet it is something that can keep me up at night. Yes, the thought of me pitching a fastball baby kept me up. I was so tired, but somehow that thought got me all wired and I was up for another 3 hours thinking about ways to harm babies. Stupid blog.

See, this is exactly the kind of post that I don't think people want to read.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006