I woke up today 20 minutes after I was supposed to be at work. I'd love for there to be a great reason for my lateness. All I did was stay up late. I found out that Boy Meets World is on at 1 in the morning.

Waking up that late is a pretty shitty feeling. I woke up feeling fine and I was like, "Good morning, world. YAWN! You are a little brighter today than you normally are. (Nice big stretch.) Good morning alarm clock. You aren't as loud as you usually are. You are also later than normal. Fuck! Shit. Fuck. God dammit!"

It goes from peace to mayhem so quickly. I hate that.

Because of my lateness, I got to hear some idiot who was on Imus. I have my alarm clock set to Imus, because it's usually so annoying that I have to wake up to turn it off. In my half sleep/half-awake head, I often stumble to the alarm clock shouting, "Shut up! You are not funny! Stop it! Stop talking now you piece of shit!" So anyway, this lady, who I believe was named Laura Ingraham was on the show, and she was talking about the brouhaha with the good ol' US of A not allowing certain countries (France, Germany, Canada) bidding rights to contracts in Iraq. She said something to the effect of, "Oh isn't that great? These countries stab us in the back, then they wonder why they don't get the same treatment ... blah blah blah."

OK, whatever her argument is, fine. BUT THEY DID NOT STAB US IN THE FUCKING BACK, YOU FUCKING IGNORANT ASSHOLE!

Sorry. Didn't mean to shout.

People who use that argument are retarded. I'm convinced. Do you know what stabbing in the back is? When Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff* watched his friend Hulk Hogan get the shit beat out of him, then went up in the ring afterwards, helped the Hulkster up, only to start beating the shit out of him, that's being stabbed in the back. When a friend suddenly turns on you for no reason, without you knowing it. All of these countries were pretty up front about not wanting to destroy another country without provocation. Maybe they were slapping us in the front, but definitely not stabbing us in the back.

When a crazy fan attacked Monica Seles and stabbed her in the back, that's being stabbed in the back. Saying, "I'm sorry, but I just don't agree with you. Despite the fact that we are allies, I can not support you in this endeavor," is not being stabbed in the back.

If all of these countries said, "OK, we will help you." Then on the day we decided to attack, they were all like, "Wait, you know what? Never mind. We were just fucking with you. I thought you knew that." That would be quite the back-stabbing.

Actually, just go to dictionary.com. They have a very good definition of the word.

*Side note: This morning as I was frantically dressing myself listening to this fool on the radio, I asked my brain to think of a good example of being stabbed in the back. The first thing I thought of was the Paul Orndorff/Hulk Hogan rivalry. This must have happened at least 15 years ago, probably more. Weird how the brain works. I haven't thought of that in forever, but it came back plain as day, seeing Mr. Wonderful go up to the Hulkster, checking to see if he was OK, then just beating the shit out of him. This was shocking to me. It was one of those great wrestling moments. I don't watch wrestling anymore. Too much bullshit. It used to be about the wrestling.