I love the marketing of food. Sometimes the descriptions are just too much. Like when something might be described as "heavenly." I was just in a store where they had Boston Cookies. They are cookies for vegans. I've had them before and they are damn good cookies, but I think the makers of these cookies reach a little too far in their descriptions, especially the banana walnut cookie. They say, "The moment you open the package, you can feel the aroma of fresh bananas. Take a bite and you will have an experience to remember. It is definitely a moment you would want to share with others."

Wow. That's quite a cookie. It seemed too good to be true, so I had to try it. I took this cookie home, turned off all of the lights, lit some candles (unscented, of course, because I didn't want anything to interfere with the aroma), put on my favorite Enya album, and got ready for the cookie experience of a lifetime.

I wanted to share this moment with others, but my roommates weren't home, so I had to fly solo.

I opened up the package and God damn, they were right. The aroma was amazing. It was like I was being raped by bananas. But in a good way.

So I took a bite, just as my favorite Enya song came on. You know, the one where she sings all pretty-like. All I could think was, I will remember this for the rest of my life. I gotta call someone.

So I called my friend, Dude, to let him in on my cookie extravaganza.

Dude: Hello.

Me: Hey dude. Mmmm. What's up?

Dude: Nothing. Are you eating a cookie or something?

Me: Yeah, man. (chewing) Mmmm. It's fucking unbelievable. I wish you were here.

Dude: Wow, that sounds awesome. What kind of cookie?

Me: Mmmm, oh man. So good. Ohhh. Whoa, Dude, I just got a boner.

Dude: Wow. From a cookie?

Me: Yeah, you gotta get over here.

Dude: I'm already in my car. Where can I pick some more up?

Me: Shoprite. Get a lot of them. Call the rest of the guys. This is going to last all night. I'm going to go wack off, so if I don't answer the door, just walk in.


There are a few things I've always wanted to experience with people. The birth of my first child, my wedding, my honorary diploma from Harvard Medical School, and of course, eating a banana walnut cookie with friends.

I can finally cross one off my list.