I hesitate to make New Year's resolutions. I often make resolutions, but they are usually in the middle of the year. Maybe a June 11 resolution where I decide I will start exercising. Those also only last for a short while, but they usually last longer than the New Year's resolutions. The New Year is a terrible time to start a resolution. It's too cold, dark and depressing. So unless your resolution is "Be more depressed," you should hold off until the spring.

Anyway, here are some predictions for the year 2004, in no particular order:

-- I will turn 29.

-- I will be hungover on January 1.

-- I will get Cat Stevens to sing "The Wind" at my funeral, even though he will be responsible for my death.

-- Howard Dean will win the Democratic nomination.

-- I will not vote for Howard Dean.

-- Howard Dean will come off as such a doofus during the debates, I will become a staunch Republican and run for the City Council under the War for Everyone! platform.

-- I will lose the election and realize that war isn't much of a deciding factor when people vote for City Council.

-- I will attempt to rejuvenate my career when I kiss Britney Spears on national television.

-- No one sees it because everyone is watching the season finale of The O.C.

-- While at work, I will mutter underneath my breath, "I fucking hate this place."

-- While at work, I will say aloud, "I fucking hate this place!"

-- When people ask me how my New Year's was, I'll reply, "Pretty good."

-- While at work, someone will complain to me about our job. I will reply, "This place ain't so bad."

-- George Bush will accidentally dial the wrong number when conceding the election to the winner. The number he dials is my cell phone. I will graciously accept his congratulations on behalf of our new president, Miss Oprah Winfrey.

-- I will offer to conference in Oprah. The president replies, "No. Just let her know I called."

-- Pudge Rodriguez will get to my web site by searching "Pudge Urbina kiss".

-- My sister will get me a George Foreman Grill for Christmas. I will get her George Foreman.

-- I will win the Nobel Prize for Blogging, but it will be taken away when the voting committee finds out that Desmond Tutu has a blog at http://deztoot.blogspot.com.

-- Someone will send me an email asking to "Check out my nude pics". I will not check out their nude pics.

-- I will be on The Price is Right and win the Showcase Showdown and will win an all expenses paid trip to Paris.

-- I will be nervous on this flight.