CBS is promoting the hell out of the Michael Jackson interview on 60 Minutes tonight. Why shouldn't they? I'll be watching. But if you were watching football today on CBS, it seemed that between every play, you heard the ticking 60 Minutes clock and then Dick Stockton say, "And tonight on 60 Minutes, Michael Jackson ..." It was a bit annoying.

I think Michael's New Year's resolution should be "Stop doing interviews where you say that it is OK to sleep with little boys. Oh yeah, and floss more often and stop eating so much fried food."

The weird thing is, though, because of the fact that he says stuff like that, I think he is innocent. I think a guilty man would make more of an effort to distance himself from the whole thing. "No way, man. I fucking hate kids." But I think he is truthful.

A freak? Yes.

Would I let my kids near him? No.

Do I have kids? No.

If and when I do have kids, would I let them near Michael Jackson? No.

Would there be any reason I can think of right now, where my non-existent children would have the opportunity to hang out with Michael Jackson? No.

If Jesus came down from heaven and said, "I think Michael Jackson is a good guy," would I let my kids near Michael Jackson? Possibly.

Would I let my kids hang out with Jesus? Sure, why not.

What if Michael Jackson and Jesus were hanging out together, would I let my kids hang out with both of them? I guess it depends. Will they be drinking wine?

Probably.

Well, then, I wouldn't. I don't see any reason for that. Why would two grown men, one of them a Lord and Savior, want to hang out with my kids and drink wine? It just doesn't seem right.

You've got a point.