In case you were wondering if Entertainment Weekly had any dignity left, they have officially pulled down Hollywood's pants and gone to town with this little quote from the review of Russell Crowe's "Master and Commander":

"...masterful and commanding."

Are you fucking kidding me?

They also said "Elf" was "Elftastic!" And for "Love Actually," they said "You'll actually love it!"

Those are lies by me, but I wouldn't doubt it if they did.

Anyway, despite all of the good reviews for Master and Commander, I still have no interest in seeing it. Same goes for that Tom Cruise movie where he runs around with a bunch of Asian people. Not that I've got anything against Asian people. I love them. I work with about 462 Asian people. It's that Tom Cruise I can't stand. Ever since he broke up with Nicole Kidman for Penelope Cruz, I just can't support his career. He obviously doesn't know how to make good decisions. Penelope Cruz looks like Mrs. Potato Head. I think she was hot a few years ago, but now her face looks all sideways. Her mouth is where her ear should be and her nose is not far behind.

I know what you are saying. Who am I to criticize anyone? Well, it's cool, because I'm fucking perfect.