Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, November 26, 2003

I would like to be the "expert" that gets paid to predict things like this. Busy Thanksgiving travel. Wow. Going out on a limb there. I also predict a spike in the sale of Christmas trees in December.

I am spending tomorrow at my Uncle's house. Uncle Hank. Is there a better name for an uncle? I don't think so. Here is another prediction for this Thanksgiving:

There will be many racist and/or homophobic comments made by my uncle during the football games or even during dinner. I will set the over/under at 6. Place your bets. Last year he spoke of the first black character (Little Bill) to ever have a float in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Later on, he mentioned a rumor about New Jersey's governor being gay, to which I replied, "Black floats, gay governors, what the hell is going on?" My uncle was the only one who didn't laugh.

We have a fairly new addition to our family who married my cousin, Dawn. She is the daughter of Uncle Hank. Last year, I was watching football with my new cousin-in-law, John, and there was a commercial on with Jerry Rice for Rice-a-Roni or something. He commented, "These blacks will endorse anything."

Whoa! Out of nowhere, John comes through with one of the most ignorant comments in the history of Thanksgiving at Uncle Hank's house, vaulting him straight to a distant second place. I don't think he said anything about the Jason Giambi commercial that followed where he talks about how much he sweats, and the product he uses to combat said sweat. It is true what they say, girls tend to marry a man like their father.

I don't want to give the idea that my extended family is the local chapter of the KKK. My uncle is a nice man, but grew up in those times. You know, those times where everyone was retarded and scared of everything and everyone. Unlike now, when we are only scared of Muslims. And Indians, just because they have terrorist skin color. Black people are kind of scary too. Hispanics make me nervous, what with their different language and all. Asians. They freak me out. Native Americans, too. They aren't scary. Just a bunch of bitter motherfuckers. Other than that, though, this truly is a melting pot.

Happy Thanksgiving!
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006