I once read an article in the New York Times about revolving doors. It was one of those articles where if you saw it in a newspaper in the middle of Podunk, South Dakota, you would scoff at it and say, "These people have nothing better to do! What a bunch of losers!" But in the New York Times, it's like, "Wow! Revolving doors! I never thought about them and how much I don't appreciate them. What a misunderstood art form they truly are!"

Anyway, one of the quotes in the article was from a guy who must dedicate his life to revolving doors or something, but he said, "The great thing about revolving doors is that they are always open and closed at the same time."

This blew my fucking mind.

It was like I was stoned when I heard this, but I wasn't. It seems like something that would be fun to hear when you're stoned, because who knows where that thought could take you. But I was stone cold sober on a Saturday morning trying to wrap my brain around how something could be open and closed at the same time. I know it's simple. It makes total sense. But for some reason, I just kept thinking about it. It's bugging the shit out of me, because the office building I work in has a revolving door, so I go through it at least four times a day. And now that quote always snakes its way through my head when I walk through those damn doors.

I think the New York Times editors must get their ideas by taking some reporters out onto Broadway, taking a Superball, then throwing that Superball to watch where it bounces, and whatever it hits, that is someone's assignment for the day.

"OK, here goes (editor throws ball). Alright, Alberto, give me an article on sidewalks. Jackie, you've got revolving doors. Dan, those tourist double decker buses. Actually we just did one of those, so don't do that. But give me something with buses, I really don't care what. Bus drivers, maybe. And finally, Kevin, your article should be about sewers, and things that fall down those sewers. If you happen to find that ball while doing your research, I'd appreciate it. Actually, Kat, you didn't get a story, did you? Good. Get me a new Superball. After that, give me a 500 word article on Superballs."