I am going to Los Angeles this Thursday, as part of my World Tour. In preparation, I am listening to nothing but the Chili Peppers and watching The O.C. I'm also trying to get more beautiful so I can fit in. And I will bring with me a slew of Arnold jokes, because I am sure there haven't been that many.

I have no plans on what to do, so if you have any suggestions, my ears are open. I would like to go on The Price is Right. It won't be the same now that Rod Roddy is dead. That's a sad thing. I always imagined he was a pedophile. He's got that look. Then when I read his obituary, I saw that he lived alone and was never married, so he totally fits the profile. You know that pedophile profile. Single older overweight white game show announcer. They're all a bunch of perverts.

If I do go on the show, I will have to wear a clever t-shirt, because you need to stand out for them to pick you. Maybe I'll wear a shirt that says, "RIP Rod Roddy" or "I had myself spayed AND neutered" or "I have a feeling Rod Roddy was a pedophile." That should get me up to the Showcase Showdown.

I would hate to get up there to the bidding part but end up being one of those "contestants not appearing on stage" people, where all they get is a parting gift like a Swiffer or a bucket of Pine-Sol. I would need to get up there and shake Bob Barker's hand. I would also like to win a dining room set. I would be the fanciest kid in Brooklyn with my brand new chandelier with a retail value of 799 dollars. I'm just kidding. I don't want that. I'd really like a pinball machine or jukebox. That'd be sweet. I love when college kids go on there and win a grandfather clock or a giant Buick. That clock will look great next to a vomiting sorority girl.

So I just ran a spell check on this, and apparently pedophile is not a word (at least according to Blogger). One of the suggestions they gave me is "bedfellow." I think I now know what I will put on my t-shirt. "I think Rod Roddy was a bedfellow with small boys."

I just ran another spell check, and according to Blogger, "Blogger" is not a word. One of the suggestions is "Bulgaria." I guess I will change the title of my site to "Bulgariaing Like I've Never Bulgariaed Before."