Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Thursday, October 09, 2003

Yesterday I pissed off some Red Sox fans, and today I will piss off Yankee fans.

Let me make one thing clear -- Above all, I hate the Yankees the most. More than any other team in any other sport. The Yankees are at the top.

Is some of it jealousy? Of course. If they sucked, what's to hate? You never hear anyone say, "Oh man, do I hate those Tampa Bay Devil Rays!" Plus, as a Mets fan, it becomes natural to hate them. A Colorado Rockies fan might be jealous of them, but the same kind of hatred doesn't go along with it.

My grandmother always said, "Hate is a strong word." True, grandma. So let me explain the level at which I hated the Yankees two years ago, because it has since changed.

I've never liked the Yankees. When I was growing up, they weren't nearly as good as they have been for the last eight years. In fact, when I was a kid, the Mets were usually better. But you still didn't like the Yankees. It's just a rule. You can't really like both. In elementary school, they were known as the Skankees. What clever kids we were. When the Yankees started winning in the mid-90's, that's when the jealousy started to set in. I suppose it was always more resentment than it was hatred.

That all changed in 2001.

The Yankees were playing the Arizona Diamondbacks in the World Series. This was soon after September 11, so everyone was all about New York. A couple of days after the 11th, when people started talking about sports again, I said, "Hell yes. I will root for the Yankees, because it will be great for New York." But then a couple of days after that, I was like, "Fuck that. I can't stand the fucking Yankees." And what about America? Everyone else was hurting too, so the people in Arizona could have also benefited from winning.

By the way, this has nothing to do with payroll and the fact that they throw insane sums of money at everyone, because the Mets are just as guilty. Only we throw it at guys who are 4 years past their prime.

So game 5 of the Series, I am with some friends, who happen to be Yankee fans, at a bar. I was wearing my Mets hat. It is Halloween. I was on my way to the bathroom (I pee a lot), when this guy said to me, "Oh, Mets fan, huh?" I said, "Yeah, it's my Halloween costume." He thought I was serious, so I told him I was joking, at which he laughed and said, "Oh that's funny." We went on our merry way. I to pee, he to return to his pals.

Yankee fans will remember this as the game where Tino Martinez hit a homerun in the bottom of the ninth to tie the game. It was a great moment. I sat there amazed, because the bar went nuts, and it was pretty awesome. Despite how much I wanted them to lose, I had to admire that moment and of course, I was pretty jealous that I couldn't really partake in the jumping and the hooting that was going on. As I was sitting there taking it all in, minding my own business, that guy comes up to me, gets right in my face, extends his middle finger and says, "Fuck YOU, Mets fan!" He turns away from me and back to his friends to say things like "Woo" and "Yes" or "Yeah."

This fucking asshole sought me out from the other side of the bar, came all the way over through a maze of people who were all happy and celebrating, just to give me the finger. All because I wore a Mets hat. I wore this hat, not to agitate, but to show that I am still proud to be a Mets fan and probably because I didn't feel like doing my hair (which involves a tiny dab of gel and running my hands through it quickly, but also requires my hair to be wet beforehand, which it probably wasn't, because I didn't feel the need to take a shower and then go sit in a smoky bar with a bunch of other guys who don't have girlfriends, or if they do have girlfriends, the girlfriends are there with their Yankee fan boyfriends, the girlfriends pretending to like baseball, or pretending to know a lot about baseball, or not giving a shit and talking to other non-shit giving girlfriends, so I knew that I wouldn't be meeting any girls, hence no reason to dress to impress, or to take a shower and wet my head, which as I explained earlier, is necessary for when I do my hair).

So after this dipshit offered me his finger, I have never rooted so hard against the Yankees. But why take it out on the Yankees? you ask. As I explained in the post about the Red Sawx, this guy ruined it for the rest of the class. Of course, the Yankees won that night, and the next in similar dramatic fashion. But surprisingly, they lost Games 6 and 7 and they lost it for New York. Except for the Mets fans. They lost it for the Mets fans. Them losing made us happy.

People said to me, "Why wouldn't you root for the Yankees? It would be so good for New York." Yes, but only the Yankee fans. Which would mean that finger giving dick would be happy. I was a happy New Yorker (although I lived in New Jersey, but close enough. Let's not argue about geography.)

I was at this same bar the night the Yankees lost that World Series. I was so excited. It was full of depressed Yankee fans who all would have been happy to cut off their testicles, O.D. on some phenobarbital and jump on the Hale Bopp Comet. I had to go run outside and jump up and down. I didn't want to rub it in, and more importantly, I didn't want to get my ass kicked.

So there is my reason for hating the Yankees. But more than I hate them, I hate that one guy. So when they lose this post-season, I look forward to leaning back on my bar stool, picturing that guy from Halloween 2001, and thinking to myself, Fuck you, Yankees fan.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006