I know I am late on all this, but Johnny Cash and John Ritter both dying on the same day. Black Friday.

I loved Three's Company as a kid. I tried to emulate Jack Tripper. He was my hero. I liked the slapstick. I wanted a swinging door on our kitchen so I could get hit by it. I probably didn't even get all of the sex jokes back then. I still have to ask my dad what they are talking about.

I was happy to see him in Sling Blade (John Ritter, not my dad). It was cool to see someone who wasted so much time on the Problem Child films realize what a good film was and wasn't afraid to do it. I recently saw an episode of Three's Company and I realized it was not very good. But he put everything he had into it and he seemed like a swell guy. I'm just upset that he never got to nail Janet before he died.

And Johnny Cash. What can I say about him? Just fucking awesome and amazing and the coolest man to ever walk the face of the earth. Even though he was ill and you knew he was going to die soon, it's still sad. But he looked so miserable at his wife's funeral, that I almost wished he wouldn't last much longer here because you could tell he wanted to be with her. I saw some thing on him the other day, and some dude said, "If God has a voice, it's Johnny Cash's." Amen.

On Saturday after the wedding all of our drunk asses went to do some karaoke at this redneck bar. I don't think the bar was intending to be a redneck bar, but it was filled with rednecks, therefore, it's a redneck bar. You could be in the nicest bar in the world, but if 10 rednecks come in, it turns into a redneck bar. Anyway, we were intending to get in there and be all raucous and sing the shit out of some songs. Hey, we are a bunch of drunk white people who just left a wedding. These are the things we do.

Anyway, after about four horrible singers doing some slow, horrendously depressing country songs incredibly off key, Cara, the sister of the groom, invited me up there to do a duet of Livin' on a Prayer. I am not a big Bon Jovi fan, but damn, that's a fun song to sing. Or more appropriately, yell. After that song I paid my respects to the Man in Black and sang A Boy Named Sue. I tried my best to channel his spirit, and at least two of the rednecks were very impressed, judging from the high fives I received. We established our place at this bar and it went from being a redneck bar to a bunch of drunk motherfuckers in tuxedoes, suits and fancy dresses singing songs kind of bar. Probably the most fun I've ever had at a bar.

My friends are awesome. Except for Rick. He's an asshole. And Stacie. Kind of a bitch. Come to think of it, Rob and Heather suck too. Alisa is just loud and obnoxious. Don't even get me started on Wayne or Brian or Chaz. Assholes. Every one of them. Especially Gina and Megan.

Damn I hate my friends.