Well, it is finally here. Tomorrow is the inaugural day of Spike TV! It took a little bit longer than it should have, because Spike Lee had nothing better to do last month.

Finally, the First Network for Men. Take that, you women! A place of our own on the television. I'm sick of Lifetime, the Food Network, the History Channel, ESPN, Comedy Central, the Spice Channel -- all those Chick Channels gaying up my television.

I would like to take a moment out and address the gay community. If I call something "gay", I don't really mean anything by it. I don't mean that it's actually gay. What I mean is that it's "queer", or "homosexual", or "faggy", or "likes to have sex with dudes." It's nothing personal.