That Madonna thing with Christina and Britney at the Video Awards was pretty lame. Oooh, they made out. Now, if they all started dating each other, that'd be cool. Who hasn't made out with Madonna? Christina and Britney just looked silly when they were trying to imitate Madonna's original Like a Virgin performance. They were like two drunk brides that fell on the dance floor and had some trouble getting back up. And what's up with Chrisitina Aguilera's skin? She should patent that color because no one else has that. It looks like someone took a shit on a Creamsicle.

Madonna is odd. Sometimes I've seen her and I think, No one is hotter than Madonna. Then there are times, like the Gap commercial, where I think, Madonna is pretty ugly. For me, she peaked during the Ray of Light era. She was never hotter than in that video, and she also sounded her best on that album.

I liked Puff Daddy's shirt that said "Remember Barry White." That was actually a reminder to himself, not to honor Barry, but so Diddy would remember him when making his next album. You couldn't see was just below that it said in really small print, "because he made some great songs that I should sample the shit out of."

I'm disappointed in what are considered the new punks of today. That band AFI looked pissed off the whole time and angry and they were all tatooed and Satanic looking, but when they got up there to accept their award, they were so polite and thankful to MTV. Shouldn't they have said something like, "MTV is what is wrong with this music business today" and then taken a piss on their moonman? Iggy Pop must have been rolling over in his heroin induced coma.

Justin Timberlake is a huge nerd. Nothing else really to say there. You can just tell the guy is a fucking dork. He probably thinks he's really funny and everyone in his posse just laughs at anything he says, and are like, "Good one JT. You tha man. Come here, let me jerk you off."

It's interesting how you are allowed to say "bitches" on MTV but not "hoes". Not sure if that is the proper plural spelling of the slang version of whores. I'll have to check my Big Pimpin' unabridged dictionary.

I went to the 1994 Video Awards. That was pretty cool. I met Coolio at an after party. I was drinking a Budweiser, he a Miller Lite. He then said to me, "Bro, Miller Lite is the shit." I bet Coolio is drinking a lot of Miller Lite now listening to Fantastic Voyage over and over again as he cries himself to sleep.

This lifetime achievement thing they gave to Duran Duran totally seemed like a backhanded compliment. Hey, here you are guys. We think you're great. And here to present this award to you is Ozzy Osbourne's talentless daughter. Apparently Puck was unavailable.

In conclusion, Beyonce is the hottest thing going right now. She makes me crazy right now.