I've got nothing to talk about today, so I'm going through old emails. I will post anything that might be somewhat interesting or amusing.


01/22/2003

This is my answer to someone who asked if pilots should have guns in the cockpit:

I'm not down with pilots having guns. You might as well give pizza delivery guys guns, because they get attacked way more than these motherfuckers in the sky. And what if one has a bad day where he found out his wife is cheating on him and his dumbass son just got kicked out of college for dateraping? Then what? He's going to go and shoot a bunch of people on the plane and crash the plane. There is really no logic in what I just said, because the pilots have the power to commit suicide at any time and take a shitload of people with them, but whatever, I don't think I want Joe Pilot carrying a weapon. You are telling me this guy's going to be able to fly a plane and shoot some jihad fighting motherfuckers at the same time? Fuck that. Why put a weapon on the plane for someone else to possibly grab. The 9/11 guys did it with fucking box cutters. They would have slashed the dude's throat and taken his fucking gun. Lock the fucking doors to the cockpit and call it a day.

Fuck.


06/04/2003

Here is a thought I had about a bird outside my window:

Yesterday a bird hopped up my fire escape, one step at a time. That's pretty fucking stupid for a bird. Why not fly? Stupid bird.


11/19/2001

Here is a story I told someone about my sister. This was back when I was too lazy to use proper punctuation. I also used the word "neat":

i get up and get here way too early. i have my alarm set for 5, but i keep waking up earlier. the last three days i've been up by 4:30. maybe i'm turning into a morning person. that would be a shock to everyone involved. i woke up early yesterday, and then i hear my sister screaming. it's 4;30 in the am, why is my sister screaming? so i'm like, "oh no! someone is murdering my sister really bad!" then she goes, "i'm sorry... sorry." she was sorry for waking everyone up. there was a mouse that she freaked out about. the way she was yelling, you would think that this mouse was carrying a gun. she was waking up early to see the meteor shower. so i got up and went to look at that. it was pretty neat. the whole sky looked like it had tons of shooting stars going through it.


12/16/2002

There was a homeless guy yesterday morning who asked me for a dollar. I didn't give him anything. He then said "Happy Holidays" and I felt bad because he seemed like a nice guy. Then he started singing, "Myyyy stomach hurts. My stomach hurts!" It was a good song. I felt like I should have gone back and given him some money based on that song.


02/05/2003

This was soon after the Columbia blew up:

The worst part about shuttle disasters is that they are always such smiley people with wives/husbands and 3 very young kids. There's never one who was a sex offender that still lived with his mom that you'd look at and say, "Well, it's not like he's the greatest guy on Earth." They are always all-Americans. There was one guy in the last one who was once in the circus as an acrobat. That's kind of fucked.


11/23/2001

This was from the day after Thanksgiving, a day on which I was working. I had told a friend about playing football with my cousins on Thanksgiving, to which she replied "I didn't know you were a big football player," hence the first line of this email:

i wouldn't call myself a big football player. i guess i'd play more if i had the chance. i needed a brother growing up. my sisters weren't that into sports. my older sister kind of was but my younger sister was the worst. we'd be playing kickball with the neighbors, and she'd quit in the middle of the game. she wouldn't even tell anyone. she'd be on base or getting ready to kick and just haul ass inside. the only time she'd ever run while we were playing was to leave.

i am so tired right now. i really need a nap. i'm drunk on dayquil. my allergies are terrible today. well, from the allergy viewpoint, i guess they are pretty good. they are getting the job done. i feel like shite. i hate allergies. have i mentioned that before? i'm sure i have. what was god thinking when he made allergies? way to go, big guy!

so you can throw a football? that is a very important skill to have. have you noticed that if you throw a football in front of a bunch of guys, and you throw it well, the reaction is what you'd expect of someone who just cured cancer? guys are always wowed by a girl that can throw a tight spiral. it's just one of those things.


02/01/2002

This was just before my office moved from Jersey City to NY:

i'll be starting to work there in march. i cna't wait for taht. i also can't wait until i get typing lessons. did i tell you where my new office is going to be? 52nd and seventh, just across from the david letterman studio and about 5 blocks south of central park. it'll be great when it's warm out and i can go there and relax and buy drugs and feed the ducks. i love feeding ducks when i'm all messed up.


OK, I'm done for now. Was this enjoyable or a waste of time? Please let me know.