I hope your water coolers are full today folks, because there's going to be a lot of talk this morning about last night's Miss Teen USA pageant! It really went down to the wire with Miss Oregon taking the crown. She just took it. She didn't win it. Bitch just went crazy and ran from behind the curtain and snatched it right off Miss Tennessee.

The entire show was a virtual "Who's who" of "Hey, who is that guy again?" Your hosts AC "Greg Louganis" 'The Latino Guy from The Other Half' "Mario Lopez" Slater and some blonde chick. Also in attendance was the mayor of Palm Springs. Holy shit! The mayor!

It was kind of weird because they updated some of the competitions to reflect the true ideals and attitudes of teenagers today. Some of the new competitions were:

-- Making fun of the fat girl in a swimsuit competiton.
-- Saying "Aawww, they are so cute" about the kids in the retard class.
-- Giving a blow job while on Ecstasy at a rave.