I saw something on Entertainment Tonight or Extra or Celebrities Are More Awesome Than You or one of those shows, and they were acting like Kobe Bryant was guilty of murdering Jesus. The voice over said something like, "How did it all go wrong for someone who seemed to have it all?" They showed old footage of him in slo-mo and they kept showing his smile, and they somehow made it seem like a really sinister smile. You know, the kind of smile only found on sexual assaulters.

Come on! He's a popular professional athlete! This is a rite of passage. Frankly, I was getting a little concerned that he would never be accused of anything.

One of the weirder athlete arrests from the past was Kevin Stevens, who is a hockey player that has been on the Penguins and the Rangers. He was arrested in a hotel room with a hooker and some crack. It was apparently his crack. If you have a lot of money, and I assume he was pretty well off, at what point in your life do you make the decision, "You know what? I'm really enjoying my life as a pro-hockey player, but I feel I need something new in my life. I'd like to try some crack. And while I'm at it, I think I'll share it with a hooker."

There was also that guy from the TV show Ed, who got busted at the Brooklyn Navy Yard smoking crack with a homeless guy. I was discussing this phenomenon recently with my friend, Mike, about how weird it is when people who you wouldn't expect turn to crack, all of the sudden turn to crack. This just makes me think that there is a chance that one day, I will smoke crack. Right now I'd say No way to crack! But who knows? Maybe in the future, I'll find myself down on my luck, making a million dollars a year playing hockey or acting on a TV show and realize that I just need some crack to get by. And to really make the most of it, I'll need to get high with a homeless guy or a hooker.

It must have been awkward for that guy from Ed to go back to work after he got busted.

Ed: Hey there, Other Guy From Ed.

Other Guy From Ed: Oh, hey Ed. How's it going?

Ed: Not too bad. So. How was your, uh, weekend?

OGFE: OK. I was in New York.

Ed: Oh yeah. Heard about that.

OGFE: Yup. You know, just visiting some friends.

Ed: Yeah. Soooo.

OGFE: So.

Ed: You, uh. You smoked some crack while you were out there, huh?

OGFE: Yep. Sure did.

Ed: Hmm. You did that with a, uh, homeless guy, right?

OGFE: Yeah. Yeah I did. Smoked crack with a homeless man.

Ed: That's interesting. You were in a Navy Yard or something.

OGFE: Yeah, right on the water.

Ed: Oh really? Must be a nice view.

OGFE: Oh yeah. Especially after the crack. It looks real cool with all the lights.

Ed: Oh, I bet.

OGFE: So what episode are we filmi-

Ed: I'm gonna go get some coffee. Do you want any? I mean, I know it's not crack and I'm not homeless, but I'd be more than happy to get some for you.

OGFE: No thanks Ed. And you know, I'd rather we didn't really talk about this whole thing so much.

Ed: OK. Sure. Hey everyone! Listen up! Other Guy From Ed would prefer it if we did NOT talk about his weekend in New York where he got busted for smoking crack! In case you did not hear, he got busted for smoking crack-cocaine with a homeless man in a Brooklyn shipyard. He would like that we not bring it up. So to recap, do not bring up the homeless guy/crack incident.

OGFE: Thanks Ed.

Ed: No problem there, Cracky McHomeless.

OGFE: I'd rather you didn't call me that either.

Ed: OK. Homeless McCracky?

OGFE: Yeah, that's better.