Finally, the question may have been answered! Dung beetles navigate by moonlight!

Just the other day, a friend and I were having an argument about this exact thing while we were watching Paradise Hotel. My friend Skip was like, "Mike. If you had to guess - I mean like your life depended on it, you know, someone's got a gun to your head - how would you say dung beetles navigate?"

Honestly at first, I didn't know what to think. Actually, I was like, "Skip, there are boobies and such on the TV. Can't we talk about dung beetles after the show?" He's all, "No, we should talk about this now. That's the problem with you Americans. No one wants to talk about the issues." In case you were wondering, Skip is not an American. He's from Texas. So I started to tape Paradise Hotel (PH) and we began discussing dung beetles.

The more I thought about it, I was really thrown for a loop! How do these darn beetles navigate? So I said to Skip that perhaps it is by vibrations in the ground. Skip was like, "Yeah right! Whatever FeelBug!" Skip always gives me weird nicknames after something I say. Yesterday I called him to further discuss dung beetles and he picked up the phone, but I wasn't sure if it was him or not, so I said, "Hi, is Skip there?" And he said, "Yeah, this is me. Good to hear from you, Can'tRecognizeSkip'sVoiceOnThePhoneEvenThoughSkipLivesAlone!" Skip is pretty clever when it comes to nicknames. Anyway, back to the other night and the dung beetles.

So Skip says, "Come on, gun to your head, how do they navigate? And don't give me that vibration bullshit again." Now I'm really thinking hard. So then I think, Hey! These beetles eat the dung of elephants, so maybe it's the elephants that are the good navigators. A-ha!

Then Skip says, "Wrong! Gun to your head! You're dead!" I said to him, "Hey, I only thought that! I didn't even say it out loud." I found out that Skip can read my mind.

All this talk about the beetles made me want to listen to the Beatles. Unfortunately, I don't own any Beatles records or even know a song by them, so I put in my copy of the From Justin to Kelly (FJTK) DVD that I bought from a guy on the street. But then I remembered I was already taping PH, so I couldn't watch FJTK.

Then I said to Skip, "Hey Skip. I have a thought." And he was like, "What is it, ThoughtBoy?" After laughing at that nickname (how does he come up with them so fast?!), I said to Skip, "Maybe the answer lies in a batch of the beetle's retinal cells which are sensitive to polarised light. Scarabaeus zambesianus starts to forage on the wing for fresh dung at around sunset, using the polarisation patterns formed by around the setting Sun to figure out a straight departure bearing should it come across any food. Sooo, after twilight, the solar cue is no longer available. The only light is lunar. I think perhaps it is moonlight."

Upon hearing this, Skip punched me in the testicles. I was like, "Skip, what the fuck!? That is seriously fucked up! You asshole!" Normally, I shun that kind of language, but Skip brought out the worst in me, as if I were the Hulk! Then Skip punched me again. This time, right in the butt! This was the first time in my life I had ever been punched in the rear. I did NOT like it, despite what you may hear from Skip. So I said, "Skip, please stop punching me in those areas." So once again, Skip punches me, but this time in a more acceptable punching receptacle - the face. This hurt more than anything, and looking back, it was much better to get punched in my derriere. Although not pleasurable, I realized I have a lot more cushion back there than in my face.

Finally Skip calmed down after some more pummeling, and we made a bet about the dung beetle thing, and the loser would owe the winner a lunch at either Chili's or Applebee's -- whichever the winner was in the mood for at the time of the dung beetle revelations.

Well Skip, you just lost the bet of a lifetime, where are you going now? I'll answer for you Skip, You're going to Applebee's!

I did learn a very valuable lesson from all of this, and that is to make sure your VCR is on the right channel before you start recording! I ended up taping Everybody Loves Raymond by accident! While I think ELR is a great show, it was a repeat. PH was all new and I missed the drama! Oh well.

I also learned not to get into a debate about dung beetles, or anything related to nature, with Skip, especially after he just ate all of that Crystal Meth!