Why is the word "forty" not spelled "fourty"? Doesn't this make more sense? I was writing a check the other day in the amount of 40-something dollars and I accidentally spelled it like that. I was looking at the check thinking, What the hell is wrong with this? Something ain't right. Then I realized this "forty" bullshit. There should be a "u" up in that shit. I had to tear up the check, rather than just cross out the letter, because I didn't want some smart ass banker saying, "This Michael R. Toole doesn't know how to spell 'forty'! What a dumbass! I'm hanging this check on my Wall of Idiots Who Write Stupid Things on Checks!"

I also now believe "twenty" should be "twoty" (pronounced tootie), "thirty" should be "threety," and "fifty" should be "fivety." For example, when people ask how old I am, I will say "I'm twoty seven."