|Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before|
Tuesday, June 10, 2003
I must be watching too much television lately because all I want to write about are commercials. I saw an ad for the Gillette Mach3Turbo razor, where this guy starts shaving and as he is shaving he starts flying. Well, not really flying, but more like hovering in front of the mirror. It's all windy and shit and he's having the shaving experience of his life. Then his hot girlfriend comes in the bathroom and is hovering next to him, and she's got this look on her face like, "I'm dating the best face shaver in the world!" Then there is a voice over that asks, "Can your razor do this?"
Um, no, mine can't. And I'm pretty sure no matter how extreme you say your razor is, there is no way it can make me levitate. And if you did invent the technology to make people fly, I'd market it as its own separate product. I've never had a conversation with any guy where he said, "Dude, today I was shaving, but it sucked, because I was thinking, 'Why the fuck can't I shave and fly at the same time?'"
I'm sick of the current "extreme" focus that dominates pop culture, like Mountain Dew and crap like that. I blame Dan Cortese and Bad Boy stickers. And now that it has invaded personal grooming, there may never be an end. Soon we will start to see commercials like "Crest Floss; It kills plaque -- and then it fucks the dead plaque's skull!" Or "Depends Undergarments: They'll totally catch the crap out of all the shit you can't control in your ass!"
I was going to write one about tampons, but even I was offended by it.