A lot of the sexiness of mermaids would be taken away if they were actually portrayed as having real fish traits. Sure, some human traits would carry over to mermaids, like talking and rational thought. Someone should make a movie about a mermaid that shows her eating her own shit. That would take the allure out of mermaids fairly quickly. Maybe Disney can incorporate this into "The Little Mermaid 2: Ariel Gets Dysentery." The prince she falls in love with would be like, "Whoa, what'd you do that for?" She'd be like, "I'm just eating." He'd say, "Yeah, but that's your own shit." Then she'd say, "So? I'm hungry. That's what I do. I'm a fish." He'd be all wise and say, "You are only half-fish." And she'd say, "Well, I inherited the half that likes to eat my own crap. Deal with it."

Then we'd all learn an important lesson about accepting people for who they are.