Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Friday, May 30, 2003

I'm currently at my childhood home. Also my teenage home and up until about a year and a half ago, my "Holy shit, I can't believe I'm still living at home" home. One thing I've always done in this home is read all the ladies' magazines that were in the bathroom belonging to my mom and sisters. I've spent a lot of time in there. Plenty of good memories on that toilet.

Today I was flipping through Redbook, which is kind of like Cosmo for women about to hit menopause. On the cover is John Travolta with his three year old daughter and it says, "John Travolta with daughter Ella Bleu - EXCLUSIVE! - His secret struggle to give his beloved kids a normal life in a world where fame can be dangerous."

Apparently, Step 1 in John's secret struggle for that normal life is, "Plaster young daughter's face on the cover of a nationally published magazine." I think Step 2 is "Let that drifter maintenance man babysit her when I leave the house." Step 3 is, "Remove any semblance of normalcy from Ella's life, guaranteeing she'll write a tell-all book about me when I'm old and incompetent."

My favorite magazine is Cosmopolitan. There was once an issue where a girl wrote a letter that said, "Dear Cosmo. My boyfriend wants me to give him oral sex, but I hate doing it. He says that means I don't love him. What should I do?" The response was logical and what you'd expect. Something like, "No man can tell you what to do, so if you don't want to, don't do it. You are your own woman."

Then later in the magazine there was an article to the effect of "Ten ways to suck the cock off your man so he'll never leave you."
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006