Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Friday, April 18, 2003

I've got an idea for an action movie that should star Arnold Schwarzenegger. The whole movie will be like old school action movies where people were killed just to be killed, and after everyone of them, Arnold said something brilliant.

For example, he would bust into someone's house, wake the guy up, only to kill him, and he would say something like, "Now that's what I call a rude awakening."

Or he would jump through a glass ceiling and would say, "Sorry to just drop in." Then he'd murder everyone.

In my movie though, he says exactly what he just did. Here are some sample scenes.

A guy tries to attack our Hero in an alley. Our Hero fights him off and then shoots him in the neck. Our Hero says (with Ah-Nuhld's accent), "Now that's what I would call getting shot in the neck. With a bullet from my gun."

Another scene has our Hero trying to get information from a spy through torture. He is in the spy's house and has tied him to a chair. The spy isn't talking, so our Hero brings in the spy's dog and kills the dog. The spy still won't talk, though he's visibly upset by the killing of his dog. Next, our Hero brings in the spy's son and holds his gun to his head. The spy yells out, "OK I'll talk! Don't hurt my boy! The combination to the safe is 38-45-21." Then our hero says, "You might say I just killed your dog to show you that I mean business and then threatened your son while you were tied to a chair to get information from you and I was successful in doing so." Then we find out that he really didn't even kill the dog but the dog was a spy for the CIA, and was good at acting and used fake blood. We have to do this because no one likes movies in which dogs are murdered and we want this movie to make money. Our Hero will explain that at the end of the film.

Our Hero also talks like this during his regular life. Like, at the grocery store he buys non-dairy milk because he's lactose intolerant. After he buys it he says, "You could say I just bought this non-dairy milk because I'm lactose intolerant and if I drank real milk my stomach would feel like I just ate knives. And when you say that, you would be correct in that assumption. Baby."

This will be a great movie.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006