Blogging Like I've Never Blogged Before

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Hey, happy tea party day! So Glenn Beck is about three weeks away from doing his show completely covered in his own shit, right? OK, just making sure.

I was running late this morning because I had to pop a zit. I felt like I was on Saved By The Bell. I was Kelly.

Every once in a while when I'm at work and I'm walking back from the bathroom, I have this awful feeling that my dick is out. I quickly realize this is not the case, but it's a moment of unparalleled fear. You never know. Maybe something above the urinal distracted me - maybe a flier about a charitable donation or a huge booger - and I just totally forgot to do the one thing you need to do when leaving a urinal. Anyway, if I work with you and you see me walking around with my nethers showing, give me a heads up.

The same rule applies to if I have something in my teeth. Be subtle about it. Don't confuse the two, either. "Mike, you have a dick in your teeth."

Hey, so Talk Like A Pirate Day might have a different feel this year, huh? Learn your Somali now, bitches! Or I guess you can just talk about revenge deaths on French and Americans.

It's funny when you really put something like Talk Like A Pirate Day in perspective. Imagine going back to, oh, I don't know. Let's say 67 BC and telling someone there that in America (oh, we'll explain America later) we have a day where we say Arggh and stuff. It's hilarious. Then they'd say something like, "Oh, well, do you also rape and pillage on this day? Do you have Rape Like A Pirate Day?" Imagine in however many years, someone decides to make September 11th Talk Like A Terrorist Day. Just a bunch of people at work saying wacky things like Death to America and Praise Be To Allah and performing fake beheadings.

Anyway, I'm tired. Good night to you.
All material © Mike Toole; 2003 - 2006