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Wednesday, April 15, 2009
I was running late this morning because I had to pop a zit. I felt like I was on Saved By The Bell. I was Kelly.
Every once in a while when I'm at work and I'm walking back from the bathroom, I have this awful feeling that my dick is out. I quickly realize this is not the case, but it's a moment of unparalleled fear. You never know. Maybe something above the urinal distracted me - maybe a flier about a charitable donation or a huge booger - and I just totally forgot to do the one thing you need to do when leaving a urinal. Anyway, if I work with you and you see me walking around with my nethers showing, give me a heads up.
The same rule applies to if I have something in my teeth. Be subtle about it. Don't confuse the two, either. "Mike, you have a dick in your teeth."
Hey, so Talk Like A Pirate Day might have a different feel this year, huh? Learn your Somali now, bitches! Or I guess you can just talk about revenge deaths on French and Americans.
It's funny when you really put something like Talk Like A Pirate Day in perspective. Imagine going back to, oh, I don't know. Let's say 67 BC and telling someone there that in America (oh, we'll explain America later) we have a day where we say Arggh and stuff. It's hilarious. Then they'd say something like, "Oh, well, do you also rape and pillage on this day? Do you have Rape Like A Pirate Day?" Imagine in however many years, someone decides to make September 11th Talk Like A Terrorist Day. Just a bunch of people at work saying wacky things like Death to America and Praise Be To Allah and performing fake beheadings.
Anyway, I'm tired. Good night to you.